thankful grateful good

things that I am thankful for during this Thanksgiving break (which was much much needed):

• roadtripping with momma and daddio
• stayed up til 2am finishing Anne of Avonlea, just because I could
• ate one of every kind of six pies that we had at the thanksgiving feast, and didn't feel a bit guilty
• wandered up and down dirt roads without a purpose but to thank God and think on Him
• felt the solidarity of family and history as I listened to Grandma Boots tell about her childhood that took place just a few miles away, tucked in the trees and hills among natural springs, flatrocks, caves, long walks to the schoolhouse, and playful siblings
• rediscovered my love for Sleeping At Last, after reading an excerpt about them from Shauna Niequists' book, Cold Tangerines (which I also completed, and I loved)
• spent a lot of time doodling in the car
•  went hiking with my family, and saw them all go past their comfort zones, wading through freezing creeks, and pushing themselves up steep, rocky hills
• etcetera.

overall, i feel fully refreshed. well, I guess that "fully" is a rash term. when are we ever fully refreshed? well, i guess I just feel great. I really needed to escape, and re-center. I was feeling a bit insecure before I left (though I didn't really realize it until I had the chance to step back and see it all from an outside view).. I was overthinking things that ought not to be overthought upon. I was simply a chaotic mess inside of my head. And now it's all a bit clearer, simpler.

two things have become certain:
the Kingdom of God feels more global, more local, and more eternal than ever before.
and:
the world around us is threaded through with divinity, it is our choice whether we see it or not.

oh, and also:
i'm content. i'm thankful for who I am, for where I am, for who I am surrounded by, for where I am going, for Who is guiding me. 



and NOW it is officially the beginning of Christmas music. YAYY! (thankful for that too)

reminder

"... they may be won without a word, by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.

do not let your adorning be external-- but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart
with the

imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit

which in God's sight is...

very precious."


[1 peter 3:2-4]

gimme a break

I've been on doggy patrol this week while my parents were in Florida. Goodness, I feel like I have suddenly gotten in touch with another side of my personality. That maternal, domesticated one. I wake up, like clock-work, every morning at about 6 to let them out, to feed them, to cuddle them, to run with them. And let me tell ya, I'm feeling more fit than ever this week because Bear has forced me to run with him every morning. He is quite the baby when he doesn't get his way.

And now it's just about Thanksgiving. Rounding the corner on Thursday, is the greatest day for eating. Really, I'm just very excited to eat mom's cranberry-apple-granola stuff that I eat for days/weeks following because it's just that good... and then we make it again for christmas, and it's just the winteriest snack in the world.

I'm so ready for a break.
I feel exhausted in every nook and cranny of my mind, my body, my heart. I just need a rest. Don't make me think. Don't make me strive. Don't make me sprint. Let me sit for a while, with a good book, a tea, and family that let's me be who I am uncensored.
(Too bad I have a chemistry test and lab report due next week. What's wrong with them?!)

Anyways, it's gonna be good regardless.

swell saturday

Today is just a happy day! The sun is shining, the farmer's market was less-crowded, but more full of friends. I bought some snap peas, cabbage, and holiday bread. I ate homemade granola for breakfast. Goin to pick up the pups for a week of babysitting. The air is crisp and soft. 


I feel simply swell. And oddly, I just want to jump up and down and squeal for joy at it all, like these two lovely men.


I hope that ya'll have a good day today too. And, hey, if you're not having the best of days... well, do something random that will make you happy. Maybe write a postcard. Say hi to your neighbor for a change. Bake. Light a candle while you study. Whatever you gotta do to make that smile appear on your heart today.

they're confused and confusing the masses

I was walking on campus, just enjoying the sun and the breeze and the free-flowing feel of the day at hand. And then I heard some loud voices and a group of students surrounding them. My stomach dropped and my pulse quickened. As I got closer I saw a man wearing a vest that said "Fear God" with glittery letters, holding a large sign that says "Sinners Go To Hell". Oh geez, I've seen this before. Whatever, no one pays attention to that anyways, I sure hope. It's more of a show than anything. And then another student walks up there and starts yelling things like, "Jesus is dead! God killed his own son! He raped women!" blablabla... ohhh I just got so angry and before I knew it I was stepping into the nearly empty circle, standing face to face with this ignorant, red-faced, long-haired young man. And I just said, "You know you're wrong, don't you?" and he replied with a stutter and then a stream of words that meant nothing to me, but were very very wrong about God once again. I just shook my head and said, "Hey maybe you should try reading the Bible? Just read John, maybe then it would at least clear up what it is that you're denying." He told me to read the Apocrypha before I suggest him reading the Bible, but I could tell by his eyes that something softened, something clicked, and maybe he'll actually read it. So he went on giving his little comedy sketch that involved mocking the Bible-thumpers, and whilst all of this was happening, before walking away, I just had to say it: "Hey ya'll, just to let you know: this is not Christianity." , and a few student in the audience nodded in agreement, some of them looked confused, and others just seemed to appreciate some normalcy in the chaos. So then I left with a friend, dropped a few tears, tried to stop my shaking hands and heart, and then we prayed together over it all, over everyone watching and hearing. The whole thing just broke my heart. But God is so much greater. God is so much greater. And so I just pray that the students that were there will experience God someday and will understand the difference of Him from that silly display of Christian Madness. My heart still hearts, the Holy Spirit within me hurts. But Jesus wouldn't stand out there justifying to everyone that He is the Messiah. He didn't have to. People just knew, just like I mentioned earlier about Mary falling at his feet. So if Jesus just stood there in front of that group of students and Bible-Thumpers, they would all stop, and they would all know. But He's not doing that. However, that shows just how Big and how Real and how Good our God is.

Phew, I'm still recovering.

relaxing fully

I went home this weekend to be my dad's date for the Breeder's Cup, a pretty huge horse race that happens at Churchill Downs in Louisville each year. And we had free box seats, with fancy free food and drinks all day. Couldn't pass that up, duh. The weather was fine, and the strong horses even finer... maybe the most fine part of the day was me, though. Oh oops, just kidding, maybe I shouldn't have said that.  ;)

The rest of the weekend was full of a whole lotta quality re-lax.
Watched a few movies (Water for Elephants and Jane Eyre... both so good!), took a nap even, and spent a multitude of minutes in the brisk, yet warm, sunny weather. It was so positively perfect outside, my heart felt like it would swell at the sight and feel of it all.
And I felt free to simply sit and chat lazily with my dad and mom. No rush. No stress. Let's just talk about what's on our mind, how we're relating to God, the funny things our dogs do (lots of snoring and farting as they sleep), and whatnot. That's my favorite way to talk, and probably most people's favorite way to talk-- each listening, each freely speaking. It's good good good.


So yes, that was a swell weekend. And I just feel swell. So blessed to have such wonderful parents.

okay, will do.

saturate the house

In John 12, our guy John talks about the moment when Mary (Martha's sister) was on the ground anointing Jesus' feet with an alabaster jar of expensive perfume, and then going so far as to even wipe off his feet with her unbound hair.

And John adds:
"The house filled with the fragrance of the perfume"

Well, the whole act of dumping good-smelling oils and lathering one's hair upon a man's feet seems fully unnecessary. And that last sentence about the house smelling good now too is just some dainty topping on an already awkward cake.

There was absolutely no reason for Mary to do this. She hadn't seen it done before and thought huh, yeah okay I'll prostrate myself on the ground too and anoint Jesus too, because that's what all the cool kids do. 

The thing is, is her act was absolutely un-cool. The definition of strange, even back then.

But she felt compelled.
she just did it.
 
Because she knew who Jesus of Nazareth actually was. That He was in fact the King of Glory, the Saviour of the World, the Son of God, the Holy of Holies. This is God incarnate standing in front of her in a room full of people eating and talking and cooking and drinking wine and..and..she just couldn't do nothing about the reality of where she was and Who she was with.

So she grabbed the most valuable thing she could find and gave it up, let it go, poured it out.
And she put it on Jesus' feet. The dirtiest, grimiest place on his body. The place that most people would reel away from. And then she took her hair down (which was scandalous for those times) and wiped his perfumed feet with it. As if saying: I have nothing but myself to give you. No towel, no sponge, but me.  

You know what this is?
Humility.
No inhibitions.
Giving from the deepest core of her being.

Everyone else was constantly coming to Jesus to ask for healing, to ask for advice, for prayer, for guidance, to walk with him, to eat with him, to take and take and take.
And Mary, without words (that we know of) simply falls to the ground and gives all, without Jesus even asking her to.

And then, I love how it says that the house was saturated with the scent of this act. As if the entire house permeated the humility that Mary just showed, the true love that she just gave to Jesus.

Maybe,
if I gave like that,
gave myself wholly, truly, without inhibition, and without reason besides love itself,
my house  (life/actions/words/circumstances)
would be saturated with that fragrance as well.

Running and Climbing

What a funny night. So I finished my chem test, and was feeling pretty alright about it all. I'm beginning to overcome my test anxiety, especially as it pertains to chemistry (grrr chem). But it's getting better.

And there I go, riding home on my lovely white Specialized, whistling as I go, meanwhile contemplating in my head about what to do when I get home. Go to the climbing gym? Run? Cook? Homework? Sit? Tea? The sun was beating down on my face as it was setting down below homes, beckoning my feet to the pavement. Okay, I'll run.

And off I went. It was just one of those really good, perfect running nights. Listening to the new John Mark McMillian cd (wonderful), did double my usual running length, my head was feeling euphoric, my eyes bright, my legs strong, my spirit free. And then I got to the house and.. all doors locked. Oops. Well I could sit out on the porch for who knows how long. Or, hmm, break in?

So I got my climbing in for the night. Smeared up the front of my house, stuck my head, shoulders, booty, and feet through the tiny slit of window that I could get open, and then I tumbled into my room, tripping on my desk and swivel chair. I had a lovely laughing fit all to myself.

Lessons learned this evening:
There's always another option.
I'm more physically fit than I give myself credit for anymore.
It feels really good to genuinely laugh when no one's around.
Go with my first instinct (most of the time).