This current event of mine took place at TheCanvas last night (for those of you that don't know, Canvas is a twenty-somethings collaborative ministry that seeks to experience holistic truth in the way of Jesus... me and a lot (but not all) of my friends go there every Wednesday evening).
So anyways. Got to Canvas, chatting with friends, catching up...
my pal asks me: "So Rachel, what have you been into recently? Haven't talked to you in a while!"
me: "ummm... I don't know... a lot, I guess!"
pal: "Well, like what? I wanna know what you're into now!"
(For the record... this "into" word is very typical of my life, as was stated in my previous post. I tend to pick and choose certain things to obsess over for certain seasons of my life. Or maybe God chooses them for me. Sometimes it's hard to tell. Anyways.)
me: "Well, I've been waking up real early every day to go for runs! And it's still dark out because it's at like 6:30, so it's really nice and relaxing and cool!"
pal: "Geeeez, that takes commitment! You're pretty intense!"
(And at this point, the conversation turns to other people and I start feeling a bit... unfinished.)
I wanted to say "Wait, but there's more! I do more than just wake up early and go for runs in the dark!". But I didn't.
Well, oh well. Nothin to do about that now, I'll just let him think what he wants (which translates to... now he'll just be left thinking that I'm way 'intense' and freakin awesome)(or something like that).
And then the message at Canvas last night juuuust so happened to be about being honest. That's the first step to actually experiencing the Kingdom of God. You have to be totally honest about yourself to yourself so that you can be honest to God and he can be real with you. Does that make sense? It does to me, in my head, so I hope it makes sense to you too because it is very important. The thing is, is that if I can't be honest with myself about who I really am, then how can I expect God to suddenly "work"with me in that area of my life and draw me closer to "perfection" by His Grace? If I cover myself up with pretty little fibs, then I just look so damn perfect, and the real truth is, is that I'm not all that perfect at all.
Obviously, after pondering over those thoughts for about an hour during Canvas, I was feeling a bit convicted, so to speak, about the conversation that I had with my dude-friend prior to the evening. I didn't get a chance to talk with him, so this is my public admittance instead, which may or may not be more effective.
So here's the truth about what I've been into lately:
(I really shouldn't have covered them up if I'm so glad about them in my life. Humans are weird that way.)
- First and foremost: quietness. (Eccl. 4:6)
- Attempting to be a good, studious student.
- Playing house. (I love where I live right now!)
- Reading lots and lots of books, of the childish-type, and the Christian-Wisdom type.
- Cooking and mostly baking.
- Exercising in a normal/real-people kinda way. (not obsessing over it anymore, not wasting myself over it)
- Which has included my (almost) daily morning jogs (not runs... let's be real).
- Being crafty in any way I can (notice I don't say every way; I'm not trying to be 'artsy': just having free-time fun)
- And I don't have to try to make the list any longer if nothing else comes directly to mind so I'm done.
Saying the truth feels pretty dang good. Give it a try. I'm certainly talking to God right now about why I felt the need to tell my friend about my non-BigDeal-runninginthemornings (to feel affirmed/to feel cool). It wasn't a lie, but it wasn't the truth either. It was a stretchy lie. And that's probably not what he wanted to hear when he asked me a genuine question.
I'm gonna start to be more honest with myself/others/Father and then see what happens.
i love you :)
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