burn the rope

Much of my life can be summed up into a series of ties. Not all ties are bad, but some are. First and foremost: there is a thick, golden-threaded, white rope that has tied me to Christ from before I can remember. It's kinda like the rope that held me while I went bungy-jumping in New Zealand (it was just about as thick as my waist)-- except this terrific rope of God's has absolutely no chance of snapping (wish I could have said that confidently before jumping nearly 134 m off of a tower... here's a vid if you're curious...). Anyways. I like that rope. I need that rope. Without it, I would fall a frightfully long way, without a hope of being saved at all. It's kinda like I've spoiled the heroic effort that shall come and sweep me off my feet just before I smash into the ground... except that I haven't spoiled a thing because somehow every time that I almost have that smash-ground experienced, I have been continually surprised by the superhero-strength, undeserved-grace that I receive from the Father.

But that's still not the point here.

I was passively listening to a song (can't even tell you what it was now..) while driving yesterday. The only phrase I hear was "burn the ropes". Something about that made my heart stutter for a sec. You know that feeling, don't you? You feel surprised by something you hear/see, but normally it would have little to no effect on you at all? Like I said, I don't even know the song.

And I'm an image kinda person. By that, I mean, I'm a huuuge daydreamer. I go through scenarios, fantastical themes, silly ideas, pretend-worlds, all sorts of things, all the time. (No wonder I have a hard time getting that homework done...). So when I heard "burn the ropes" I had an instant-image in my head of myself sawing off a big, thick, annoying rope from my boat-- it was tied off in one direction, but all of my other, cleaner, sweeter, beautifully colored and tied ropes were extending out from the other side of the boat, in no apparent single direction, but definitely not on the other side of the boat. After sawing off that stupid rope, it began to re-grow itself, reaching its fibers out towards me, towards my boat. So I grabbed a torch and sset it aflame, knowing the implications would be permanant ones.And it slithered through the sky, in that opposite direction, until finally sinking below the sea-line. The scene is actually quite similar to the Wizard of Oz scene... I could almost hear the rope screaming out in agony, "I'm melting! Melllttinnng! Oh what a world, what a world! Who would have thought a good little girl like you could destroy my beautiful wickedness!"

Hypotheticals are nice, but I'm a very blunt person, so I generally get annoyed after a while. What's the rope? Yeah I've been asking God that very question all day yesterday and today. And I think I got an answer.
He said to me (in the filter of my mind's own words, of course):
"'young and free', rachel? is that it? is that you're excuse?"

In order to understand why that really struck me, you'll have to have a bit of a background. So I'm about to graduate in a little under a year, yet I don't know what I'm doing yet. Typical, I know. But in my head, I'm thinking... hey, I'm young! what's the hurry? no worries, it'll all work out, i've got heaps of life to live and learn from. And I'm also thinking about the fact that I have no commitments to another individual... as in, I'm not engaged, not in a relationship, don't have to live in a certain town... I could go anywhere and do anything. A bit overwhelming, but also very freeing. I'm young and I'm free.  And therefore: no worrieees! See how that has become more of an excuse to not have to choose a career or commit to a life-place?

It's okay that I don't have all of that stuff figured out yet, but it's the fact that I'm owing it all to the fact that I'm 'young and free' and shouldn't have to care. That's stupid. The fact is, is that I'm actually on a path right now, I just can't see for the life of me what it is... but those ropes are all tied off to some other place, far off in the distance. And the only reason I'm not moving towards them is because I've got this old, snaggy, annoying rope that has been tying me to this "checkpoint island" for way too long. I was supposed to be here and gone, but I've lingered, and now I've stopped moving altogether. So the rope must be cut, must be burned. It symbolizes my youthful laziness, my inability to listen and obey, it symbolizes a whole long list of excuses that I've used to keep me from doing things that matter with my life.

So I'm working on cutting and burning that rope right now... I'm just trying to make sure I've got every little fiber of it off of my freakin boat. And I'm walking to the other side of the boat, where there is a breeze that will gently float me toward those long, mysterious ropes that were supposed to stay. Eventually, I will have to cut off others (even if just for a time, so they can grow back), and some I shall have to burn. Because they don't all go in one direction, and one day all of the important ones remaining will be in a uniform direction towards goodness and wholeness of life. But this is the first step. This is my first rope to burn of the season.